"Dear, dear diary,

I wanna tell my secrets. Because you're the only one that I know will keep them..."


Where to begin... I don't have any secrets to tell but whoa...last night was another dramatic event at Neil's. I need to stop going there because I always flip out...which is my own fault. But more about that later.

Yesterday started out so GOOD! Well, kinda. I got in a fight with Alex about him not being ready to go to the performance at noon. He acts like a brat sometimes. So I went off on a tangent telling him all the things he does that piss me off. But I love him still. He's like family. But I did replace him in the show with Matt Thornton! It was a James River reunion haha. So FLAVA needed guys for our performance yesterday to sit in the rollie chairs and interact with us during the Single Ladies part so we got Bobby and Matt to do it. We had two shows one at 3, the other at 7. They were so much fun I am still on a high from being on stage. I love it! So our next show is March 13th and we have to start getting ready for that. It was so funny because me & Diana went and stocked up on airplane bottles before the show. So neway I was drinking all day which was probably not the best of ideas. But after the show we went to Pour House then I met up with Horrace, who I have not seen in FOREVER, but he wanted to hang out. It was probably just not a good night to be reuniting because when I got to Neil's my arch enemy was there. hahhaa ok I won't call him that but I will just call him ASSHOLE. I'm tired of insecure boys wasting my time. So anyway after asshole leaves I find out he sat there & told everyone that I wanted to be his girlfriend but he didn't want one right now. Now this is the part when I realize how drinking has such a negative affect on my emotional state because I would have just laughed this off and rolled my eyes because I already know how ridiculous asshole is. BUT. no...I reacted in a completely different way. I was INFURIATED. How pathetic can somebody be? I wanted to be your girlfriend?! PLEASE! I don't even need to get into the story of how he was telling me he was in love with me & I was not responding at ALL. I'm not that spiteful and asshole already knows the truth. Bottom line is the conversation occurred when I was intoxicated therefore nothing he said was valid. I'm not a moron. But he is pathetic. And I feel pathetic for even feeling the need to mention it in my blog but it's relevant to the bigger point in the story. Getting back to that...after I found out what he said I flipped out and just started screaming. I was so angry that I was sobbing. I hate when people try to soothe their insecurities at the expense of others. It's so sad. But whatever I threw Alex's 40 off the balcony and almost hit some dude in the head. BLAH!

Anyway when me & Cameron got back to my place I had to tell David the whole story. I always have to tell him stuff to feel better. Even though he never really gives me any advice now that I think about it. But he is the person I am most comfortable with. Utterly ridiculous when you consider our history. ahhhhh

I need to get myself together. I need to stop being bipolar when drinking. There is way too much goin on right now in my life. I have like ten thousand stories I can't even fit all this in my head. I am going to talk to the school psychiatrist. lol. I obviously have some shit bottled up that is making me flip out. I feel neurotic as hell sometimes. But then I also get in that euphoric state where I'm so happy nothing can bring me down. Which is kinda how I feel at this second. It's weird.

Nonetheless...that's that lol.

I need to get to the Mac lab and finish my homework before Jessica's superbowl party! Go Steelers!!!!