It's Valentine's Day!

I don't really know why I am happy about it. But no matter what people say about it being a "capitalist holiday" I still get that warm gooey feeling inside when February 14th comes along. I am in the target market for merchants of Vday shiz . The perfect consumer. I already bought Valentine's Day cards and have no one to give them to. I bought the real cards too. Nice ones. Not the little ones you give out in elementary school. But I have one for my niece. So I'm excited to give her that. I'm waiting for my family to pick me up. I'm excited for my mom's birthday party tonight that we're throwing at my sister's place in Charlottesville. Should be nice to just be with family for a while. My body is still sore from that diva bootcamp mess I did yesterday morning. Yesterday seemed so long but I keep forgetting I got up at 4:30am to get to the bootcamp with them. It was a workout that I needed. I need to be physically "tortured" during my workouts in order to relieve my stress. I definitely remember why I used to be such a gym guru before. I was a more pleasant person then because I was pushing myself more and relieving more stress. I need to keep doing it and make a rigorous exercise plan for myself. I'm glad I got my ass up and went.

Last night was so eery. I felt like I wasn't even really alive. It seemed like a dream. And I really don't know why but I feel like my life is at a stand still right now and emotionally... I am fighting to be removed from everything. I keep trying to avoid thinking about that plane crash. I can't fathom that all those lives were taken. I mean I know this is not the first time or last time this amount of people died but for some reason I can't get past it. My mind is blown. I just keep thinking about how many people I know and love who could've been on the plane. What if I was on it? Death is so strange to me. It fascinates me too in some sort of romanticized way that I know must come from reading too many vampire romance novels or something :-/

yikes. I gotta get dressed.