Why, then, do I feel so empty inside?
I feel like I really need to find a man to share all of these accomplishments with. I feel alone and there is such a strange emotion that comes with that. I've never known this feeling. It is slightly refreshing to come to a point where I feel like I can be co-dependent and take a shot at an actual relationship. It's just that the person I was excited about venturing into this with is so far out of my reach and I don't know if he'll ever come around.
It's so weird how sometimes I feel like I'd be satisfied with just anyone. Then I find myself in the company of a guy and it's almost as if he's not even really there. I'd rather be alone than be with just anyone. And guys are such slimebags sometimes. The ones you think are your friends show their true intentions and it's just a mess. For instance, the other night I went out to a Latin club with a guy I consider a friend. He had a girlfriend last I checked but revealed to me that night that they'd broken up. Not that his presence in that relationship had ever stopped him from flirting with me before which should've been my first sign. Anyway after the club he came up to watch Precious and started brushing my hair and trying hard to stay the night but I got him to leave by tellin him I had to get up early for breakfast, which was the truth. Anyway he left but the next afternoon he sent me a text sayin "I forgot to tell you, if you wanted breakfast I have sausage at my place, hehehe." Wtf? He said that he knew if he offered I wouldn't refuse. I was like wtf are you talking about. Shit like that really gets on my nerves.
On the other hand, this guy I met a year or so ago who has a son keeps telling me how much he cares for me and how he'd do anything to be with me. He said that I'm what he wants for Christmas. I find that so sweet and I do feel he's sincere but I also feel he's too naive and tender for me. I know I'm capable of being very complicated and difficult and I wouldn't want to put someone like him through that. I don't think he's strong enough.
But the bottom line is....I need a man pronto. I mean even if it's just long enough to get some extra Christmas gifts. :-/
