R.I.P Michael Jackson

As everyone knows I have been completely shocked and distraught over the death of the iconic Michael Jackson. It is not my concern whether people can relate nor understand how I can mourn the death of someone I did not actually know personally. All I do know is that Michael's musical influence impacted my life more than any other artist who came after him. As a dancer , singer and a lover of music in general, Michael gave me so much. I will never stop celebrating his life as a musician and how he changed pop culture. This man single handedly destroyed racial lines in pop music and has become the biggest international music star who ever lived. That is nothing to overlook and obviously did not come without a serious cost to Michael's personal life. That which is none of our business should not alter the way we view this man as an entertainer because he truly is incomparable and legendary, and will never be forgotten.




RIP M.J. We love you.

workout

I have nothing to do today...well until my summer reading meeting about body image and eating disorders starts at 6pm and then my dinner date at 7pm, but until then I am going to work out like crazy just to see how much I can endure.

I am going to do as many squats, crunches, and push ups etc as I can handle. I love looking up new fitness regimens online so I'm going to do some research before I get started. I'm pretty excited about it but dunno why. Afterward I'm going to take a long shower & probably go laze on the roof for an hour.


hmmm...sounds like a plan.

******************Looking In***************

You look at me and see the girl
Who lives inside the golden world
But don't believe
That's all there is to see
You'll never know the real me

She smiles through a thousand tears
And harbours adolescent fears
She dreams of all
That she can never be
She wades in insecurity
And hides herself inside of me

Don't say she takes it all for granted
I'm well aware of all I have
Don't think that I am disenchanted
Please understand

It seems as though I've always been
Somebody outside looking in
Well, here I am for all of them to bleed
But they can't take my heart from me
And they can't bring me to my knees
They'll never know the real me

Little Jackie

I’m just like black Barbie

The life of the party
I light up the TV
Arrested for D-WI’s
sent me to the slammer
Did time without glamour
Time stood still without my pain kill pills
Don’t need a lawyer
I got Diane Sawyer
She’ll interview me
And prove that I’m not guilty
I’m a reformed slut
I’m a much better woman after the twelve step program
And now I can drink again
Cheers!
To my publicist for making me look like an angel
Cheers!
To the media
I’m back from hell with a story to tell

Before I’d make believe I’m a celebrity
All the boys wanna get with me
I am too sexy
I’m black barbie
Up all night having fun
I love to party
Just like the white one
I believe in make believe
I believe in making me
Black Barbie
I love to party
Up all night having fun
Just like the white one

I live the simple life
I am the socialite
I got no appetite
Ain’t got no cellulite
Got a disorder I eat all the time
Im part ethiopian
that’s why I stay so thin
Yeah never ever had to watch my weight
Just call my publicist, she’ll get my story straight
Went from a size 8 to a 0
Just like magic I’m a weight-loss hero
Bon appetite
I promise I eat
I’m a mess in a designer dress
I’ve been so distressed
I confess
But there’s no such thing as bad press

Before I’d make believe I’m a celebrity
All the boys wanna get with me
I am too sexy
I’m black barbie
Up all night having fun
I love to party
Just like the white one
I believe in make believe
I believe in making me
Black Barbie
I love to party
Up all night having fun
Just like the white one
Ah
Cool, hot
I’m cool, I’m hot
I’m cheery CHIMMY?
And so slim
I live in a perfect world
I live in a perfect world
I live in a perfect world
I live in a perfect world

Before I’d make believe I’m a celebrity
All the boys wanna get with me
I am too sexy
I’m black barbie
Up all night having fun
I love to party
Just like the white one
I believe in make believe
I believe in making me
Black Barbie
I love to party
Up all night having fun
Just like the white one

;-)

I keep staying out until 6am... It feels like summer vacation from high school or something.

Life is so fun! The only thing I'm missing is a job which (not to jinx myself) but I think that problem will be solved tomorrow. Yay!

This weekend was too fun for words. We went to mad parties and & just had a blast. Tonight is going to be more mayhem.

The only thing that sucks is that I have more bug bites than I can count. Anyway, Beyonce's song "Broken Hearted Girl" has me just pressing repeat non-stop. I love it!

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

I Photoshopz til I Dropz...(idk)

(yes, I need to get a life) I'm going to post these because I found photoshop tools I didn't know existed, though they looked alot more profound in the actual photoshop program. Whatever.

What a Night...

So last night was yet another one where morning comes and you're like "wtf I stayed out this late for real??"

but it was hilarious. Went to NY Deli for some bangin dessert & drinks, then to Gallery 5 for old hip hop karoke. The dj was tight but we got there at like the end and I was pissed I had to pay cover. Anyway tho, after that we went to some crazy ass blog launch party of Cameron's...didn't stay long tho. I got home and was gettin down in the dumps because of this SHIT David was IMing to my phone after I wasted my time walking 3 blocks to meet him.

theimburglar (2:42:16 AM): lol i'm bout to make my facebook username lois I hate you

theimburglar (2:42:51 AM): because you always cause problems with me

theimburglar (2:44:11 AM): I try to be nice to you but you fucking are all upity all the time and fucking me over

...UPPITY? because I don't want to make out with him in public or let him grope me in the middle of the street...no it's not called "uppity" its called having self-respect in public.

theimburglar (2:48:25 AM): no one is reading you wrong

theimburglar (2:48:32 AM): you are presenting yourself wrong

theimburglar (2:48:54 AM): lol i'm an asshole to you because its funny
theimburglar (2:58:30 AM): i dont know what you are mad about anymore

theimburglar (2:58:37 AM): you are pissed at me for to many reasons

theimburglar (3:00:30 AM): lol you did me wrong by getting in my life

theimburglar (3:00:42 AM): you cause problems for shit i dont even know what i did wrong

theimburglar (3:03:54 AM): i'm saying you are the only problem in my life

theimburglar (3:04:00 AM): you yell at me for shit i didn't do

theimburglar (3:04:07 AM): but whatever i'm going to sleep

theimburglar (3:05:38 AM): i'm not being hurtful, i'm being defensive

theimburglar (3:05:43 AM): and being honest

theimburglar (3:05:51 AM): you flip out on me for nothing, i'm tired of it

theimburglar (3:06:23 AM): you are being a cunt half the time

theimburglar (3:07:00 AM): dont blame it on me for your shitty attitude on life

theimburglar (3:07:48 AM): because you are a cunt and no one likes your piss poor attitude

theimburglar (3:09:33 AM): not morally

theimburglar (3:09:43 AM): your attitude is shit, you are just a mean person

theimburglar (3:10:49 AM): lol this is the same reason i didnt get serious with you years ago, you are a bitch and dont realize it, a mean person

theimburglar (3:20:08 AM): i'm not saying sorry for anything tonight, you brought it on

yourself

theimburglar (3:33:04 AM): i'm not stubborn, i realize how you are and dont ever expect much from you

theimburglar (3:34:53 AM): yeah i know, i should work on not wasting my time on you

theimburglar (3:42:11 AM): i already forget what i said

theimburglar (3:42:32 AM): but i hope it angered you

theimburglar (3:52:10 AM): aight then cold hearted girl

theimburglar (3:52:29 AM): you put the hate in my heart because you talk bad about everyone

theimburglar (3:53:00 AM): i did nothing wrong to you i was along for your hate ride

theimburglar (3:54:32 AM): i know i'm right

theimburglar (3:54:35 AM): thats all that matters

(I mean I was just crackin up throughout this whole conversation because this is coming from someone who spends ZERO time with me and is holding shit against me from 2+ years ago. I chose to distance myself from the group of friends that we were both a part of because I can smell people's BULLSHIT from ten miles away. It wasn't fun anymore, I had little in common with them & I'd rather leave a situation in a poised manner before shit just turns completely sour. Sorry that some people don't have radar like mine but that's your own damn problem. I don't waste my time on people, period. Well with the exception of having wasted 2 years talking to his stupid ass. If I'm being perceived as a bitch, pardon my French but I don't give a F*CK! Now look, shortly after I left that damn group it all crumbled to pieces anyway. The truth about people came out. See, I just didn't need to stick around waiting for something to happen that I already knew was destined to be.Holding shit against me in defense of people he doesn't even talk to anymore who probably would never even care to defend him in any kind of situation just doesn't make sense to me. So David, I find you truly pathetic. You humor me. And YES I am a bitch when it comes to you because you deserve it. )

Moving along, I went back out to this all Asian occasion and met back up with Neil, Marie, & John who were all so drunk it was just too funny. Then we went to some random party where there was a huge skate ramp in the middle of the apartment and some kind of fake ass fight club shit goin down inside. I don't know but Neil got it on his iphone. Insanity.

Friday night I went out to the hookah bar with a friend of mine. He's Asian and has a gf but I figured we'd just be kickin it. He was flirting with me so hard it was just kinda messed up. Talkin about how he usually dates black girls and I was trying to change the subject but it somehow kept getting back to that. My, oh, my...I think I'm pretty much destined to be the other woman. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I need to figure out what about me makes people want to cheat. It's lame.

I'm going to make some coffee and go on the roof since that is pretty much all I do these days. August hurry up and get here already!!

oh, brazil

Sooo we're not doing the D.C thing nemore ( just like that)

but I don't care because I just found out the greatest news about this boy I been intrigued by. And that is that he is a full blooded Brazilian straight out of Sao Paulo. hell yessss!

Someone to practice my Portuguese with. Now I just have to put my plan into motion. hehehe

neway I still have no job. :-(

summer nightsss

Soooo.... Today we find out that the next Lyric ave performance will be in D.C. at the Lincoln Center. We have a month to come up with and perfect two new dances to do there. This is the 6th year anniversary show so it's just gotta be on point. I'm excited but know it's time to get down to business. Today we met up and pick out the songs and what we'll wear for the opening. I just hope everything comes together like we need it to so after the show there will be no worries just partying in the clubs in D.C.! I'm definitely looking forward to that. I secretly hope someone with connections is in the crowd who will offer some kinda of really high profile paying gig, because I need a big break so I can make some big money lol.

Anyway, last night we broke into Hollywood Cemetary (by "broke in" I mean we climbed a fence). We walked around lookin at the graves and avoiding the security car that was driving through. It was such an adventure. I love hanging out with boys. Anyway we were looking for a route to the river so we could get in it and while we were walkin along the train tracks a train came! So John went and jumped on it, Slumdog Millionaire style. Then once it came to pretty much a halt me Adam and Neil hopped on too lol. It was fun.

Neway, while I was there an old friend Joe called and invited me over to hang at his place for a bit and catch up. So I went over and had a drink and we talked about old times. It's so funny how things change and when so little time passes it feels like an eternity. I'd like to say I'm happy with where I'm at now. I don't have it all together but I'm well on my way. He is too! I believe in him. It was hella cool. So I got home at like 4am and passed out.

Today is so stormy. It's really peaceful though. I want to go sit on the rooftop right when the storm ends tonight and take in the breeze.

I wonder what tomorrow brings!

money on my mind....

I don't know how much longer I can put off work. Not that I'm purposely putting it off but I need to get on the grind and kick this job search into the highest gear. I have like $7 in my account right now, no lie. Now that the $860.00 for rent is taken care of I'm at least glad I don't have to worry about it, but I am running out of food and patience.

Tomorrow night Rick is making me filet mignon with bleu cheese crumbles on top. I have never looked forward to a meal so much in my life, lol. He also bought me a few groceries so that's good.

Today, I went to the library and looked through a grant book and found some potential organizations that will help with my last little bit of school I need to finish and also pay me. I'm looking into AmeriCorps jobs right now. I also am looking into getting an individual grant to possibly start a non-profit organization in the future. Since I am going to seek employment with the non-profit sector after I get my Bachelors with public relations concentration, I figure I might as well try to just start my own organization. I do know it would require an incredible amount of time and research but I think once I get to Mozambique and have my dad's business/entrepreneurial skills to reference, I can really come up with something amazing. We shall see. My mind is always going in too many directions for me to focus on one thing long enough to see it through, so I need to learn how to go one step at a time. Anyway though, I did get the idea to try to write a grant proposal for my dance group so we can hire this choreographer we want for the summer and hopefully travel or so something that will give us more exposure and therefore jobs. My mind is on the money right now. Which is a place I HATE for it to be, but a girl has GOT to eat. /live/dance/go out/pay tithes///////

thank you Gold's....for EVERYTHING!

oh me, oh my...

I feel so ecstatic right now. I knew the only reason I had been feeling slightly depressed was because I stopped working out hardcore. I tried to deny the fact that my body NEEDS intense exercise but it's just a fact. I started working out when I was very young so it's just a part of me. I feel so happy right now and I haven't felt so giddy in a while....probably since my last serious workout which was when I went to bring a friend day at Diva boot camp in like March.

(disclaimer...I was giddy on Saturday but I was at the BEACH! )

Me & my girlfriends went to Gold's Gym today & paid the $10 guest fee and took a bunch of classes. Well I slept thru the 6am bootcamp but I went to guts & butts, bodypump, and zumba. I have been waiting to take Zumba for a while and it was everything I expected and more. Soooo fun! Bodypump was a challenge when we had to work the upper body because I never work my upperbody anymore. My arm muscles grow too quickly and I don't wanna look masculine since my legs take longer to build muscle. But man my legs are so strong now. I must've done like 500 squats and lunges today with hardly any difficulty.

Anyway it was amazing & I feel great! YAY for fitness!

In other news...I have no new boys in my life now. I haven't made out with a boy since I went to Roberto's to watch a movie like 3 weeks ago or whenever it was before he went to Spain. I guess it really doesn't matter. I don't wanna get into any situations right now. I need to focus on getting a temporary job, getting my degree, and starting my career.

oh...and goin to Brazil. Gotta work on gettin money for that tourist Visa. Then seeing about getting my master's at University of São Paulo. I am waiting for their email response to some questions I had. ugh... I need answers to all of life's questions!


*siiiiiiiigh*