just because

There are alot of things I could write about right now and it would appease me to let my mind be free of them... but I don't even know where the hell to start.

I have my theories about so many things and I haven't voiced much of them. There are so many double standards in this world that make it hard to be what I am. Black women in America have so many pychological umbilical chords that bind us so tightly. It's hard to feel free when everyone is unsatisfied with you because you are not satisfied with being labeled, and thrown into a box. And that's a hard lump to swallow.

I have purposely done things in this life that I knew would be displeasing to others because I wanted them to know that I never cared what the norm was;I will continue to be the anamoly which I was born.

I need a man who gets it. Who just really gets it. And the more experiences I have, the more I realize that I do not have much respect for American men. I need a man who knows how to balance his passions and his responsibilities, and obligations. Someone with strong values when it comes to God, marriage, and family. Someone who will make me better. I feel like there is no balance here. It's either all work no play or vice versa. I dunno maybe I jump to conclusions too abruptly. I hope that's it. But I don't like that men have preconceived notions about me and when I'm not what they thought they were getting, they don't know what to do. Or if I am what they thought, they are so concerned with deceiving me into believing they are what I want as well. Things just never quite fit.

Everyone wants what they don't have or wants to be with they will never become.

I just want to exist as I am and not have to fight everyday. I know I'm bring cryptic and unorganized in my thoughts right now. I'm truly exhausted so I'm goin to leave it alone for now.