i love david.

david is my hero, he came and fixed everything that i asked.

Felicidade não tem preço...

♥ Ando devagar porque já tive pressa... E levo esse sorriso porque já chorei demais... Hoje me sinto mais forte, mais feliz quem sabe... Só levo a certeza de que muito pouco eu sei...Ou nada sei... Viver um dia de cada vez... SIM EU VOU VENCER!!! ♥

Beautiful words from the heart of a Brazilian.

In english this basically means: "I walk slowly because I have already rushed. I have this smile because I have already cried too much. Today I feel stronger, happier, who knows? I only take for certain little that I know, or nothing I know. I live one day at a time. Yes, I am going to win!!!"

Happiness has no price.

Transitions

I'm home. I love home. It feels like a secret escape from the world. All the things I crave are here in this modest abode: simplicity, stability, unity. I really need to subtract alot of frills from my life. I need to stop comforting myself with the material & relearn how to revel in just company of other people and enjoyment of all things free. The same life I enjoyed as a child, the happiness for no reason, the low expectations (in a manner of speaking) and needing less: I want that back. Few times in my life I have felt fragile. Maybe there is a certain beauty in weakness I could learn to appreciate.

Saturday Afternoon Freestyle: Completely Extemporaneous

Still searching for things I may never find, Thoughts of depression fill my mind, so unkind, where's that intervention they call "divine"? I pray for release, He says "get in line", I'm so blind. I try to leave my self destructive ways behind, when it comes to life lines, I've used all nine, and I'm flying, pretending my insides aren't dying but I'm lying, obviously because I'm crying... & crying... (I'm bored)

Tick, Tock

I'm way too guarded. I should let myself live a little, instead of pretending to live.

I don't think it's really possible for anyone to truly live without love. If you find something you love to do and that's enough, you're very lucky. I have things I love: dancing & singing of course. But lately that's not enough. I'm getting too old to live my life alone. It's frightening.

I spent my whole 22 years on earth convincing myself that I would never need a man. I don't even know where I got that idea from but it started as what I thought was just a feminist phase in middle school. I kept saying that one day I would stop saying these crazy things before I actually started to believe them. But I never stopped. I've fucked myself up in the head and now I'm sacrificing my happiness by not fixing this problem. I always pick the wrong guy and am secretly relieved when things don't work out. I get crazy crushes on guys but then when they return my feelings I panic because I know nothing about relationships nor team work when it comes to romance. I feel like I need a manual and that is sad, pathetic, and ridic. No one should have to be taught how to love.

I sometimes wonder if it's just my own insecurities that keep me alone. At times I feel it's just that I'm too dominant, too demanding, too self-centered, too independent-minded.

Too crazy.

I'm lots of fun tho. I guess I'm just that girl.

But honestly...I don't wanna be that bitch anymore.

POW!

I'm so crazy, I dunno why I'm up at 4:30 dancin' in my rooom


....except that this is what I do everynight


...& p.s. I did like 500 bicycle crunches yesterday & I'm sorry but my abs are bangin.


;-)

:-)

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I am done with group presentations for the semester. Thank God! I did my Portuguese one last night and this morning finally knocked that Communications Ethics & Law one out.

I am ecstatic. This week has been so fuckin wack because of those damn presentations. I got NO sleep. Well probably about 5 hrs total. Insomnia like a bitch for real. Anyway tho it's all over now so I'm happy. :-)

I stopped drinking for a while and I feel better. I decided I'm going to limit myself to a few glasses of red wine a week since that is good for you anyway. I need to get my priorities straight. I'm getting over going out. I feel like I want to just get a job this summer to take up most of my time and be in bed by like 11 every night. For real. Maybe just kick it with a boy all summer.

Speaking of...after slaughterama on Saturday, which was crazy btw, me & Breanne went to Banditos and a friend of hers was there. He's a handsome guy, 28 I believe and a lawyer. He got my number and has been calling me and texting me. I don't answer the phone when he calls I just text him back...sometimes. Idk. It's weird.

David is supposed to be cooking me dinner tonight but he is M.I.A as I expected. I don't know why I still bother listening to anything he says...besides that I'm a sucker lol. But whatever we'll see what happens.

First Friday last weekend was fun. Me & Breanne got to make these cool painting things on some random machine. Scored a free beer too. The coolest thing was when I was walkin out of Henry to go to Rite Aid the caricature guy who was posted up out front of the store started calling out to me. At first I ignored him because I wasn't sure he was talkin to me then he got up and started joggin after me and I turned around and he was like,
"Wow it is you!" and gave me a hug. I was like
"Sorry you have me confused with somebody." And he interrupted & said
"No wait I minute, just listen. I go to all the Lyric Ave performances and I see you dance. You be doin your thang....I'd recognize that face anywhere" :-)
I was like oooh sweet. He said he'd never miss another performance.
Yeah that boasted my self-esteem, for real.
BUT
who knows what he's gonna be seeing at the next show because we only have time for three practices before it. yeah....yikes. Again, we'll see what happens.

The best news of the day is this: I am graduating in December!! Fo' Sho! My college career will soon come to an end. Praise God.

And that is the greatest thing ever.